Settling for The American Jungle of Lipstick Teenagers

edit:: fixed the video. watch it. 

I am truly at a loss. TV is *so* letting me down right now. I’m sick of celebreality (I know, you’re shocked), and I can’t find a good show to get behind analyzing. Its a good thing that Rachel Maddow came into my life or I might have no need to pay for cable. (I know, I know, her show is podcasted now.)

So what do I do? I settle. Thats right, I’m settling with my television choices.

Lipstick Jungle and The Secret Life of the American Teenager.

Shut up. Just shut up, okay? 

I’m way closeted about the Lipstick Jungle thing, but I guess I just came out. Its too boring nbc primetime to warrant any critical thought- although, they did just incorporate their first character of color, after a FULL season. Oh yeah, and Kirby Atwood is a total babe. 

The Secret Life of the American Teenager, on the other hand. Woa. Well thanks ABC Family *cough*Disney*cough*. This show leaves literally no stereotype unturned. Young white girl gets pregnant the first time she has sex. Is impregnated by white rebel drummer boy who has a penchant for promiscuous sex because he was molested by his father- now in foster care. She has two best friends, one is white and gossipy, the other is the quintessential black best friend. Also, black best friend’s dad is drummer boy’s therapist. They are the the only black characters on the show. Drummer boy has a vaguely casual sexual relationship with the “school slut” who just happens to be latina. Latina girl’s mom is having an affair with pregnant girl’s father. Coincidence? Duh, no. And don’t you worry, the head cheerleader and the quarterback are dating. But they’re not having sex, apparently unlike everyone else on the show. She has pledged her abstinence to her family, and the dudebro jock’s dad is the minister. Yeah, again, *thanks* abc family. Oh yeah, oh yeah-pregnant girl’s boyfriend is typical awkward well-intentioned white kid and he has two asian best friends. The girl asian friend is a “feminist” (she doesn’t let the boys call girls ‘chicks’) and just happens to know a lot of statistics about teen sexual behavior. (Boy am I glad that ‘asian math genius’ wasn’t left out.) Did I mention that Molly Ringwald plays the mom?

Pregnant girl has a 12, no, 13 year old sister. She is the shining light in this dismal display of moralizing teenage life. She starts out as your basic tween rebel. Belly shirt, short skirts, black hair/lipstick. Lani would like to add that although this character is pretty cliched, she reminds her of herself at that age. Valid, def. So beneath her banal rebellious exterior it turns out that she is actually the show’s voice of reason! She is snarky, dark, sarcastic and totes hilarious- all while being most well adjusted character of the bunch. 

Wow Disney, you’ve really outdone yourself. You’ve done nothing new here. There is nothing innovative about this supposedly expositional look at American teenage life. Its nothing but trite and tired stereotypes. Its a regurgitated story that youth are spoon fed. It is supposed to be indicative of young american life when really its a tool used to manipulate and moralize young people’s choices. 

Ew. Gross. 

So I watched some Gossip Girl tonight. Did you know that its about 14-18 year olds that have sex and blog? (Of course you know that. I’m the only person in the whole world who didn’t know that.) Tell me, friends, what do I love more than adolescent coming of age tales and blogging? Thats right, nothing. I’ve been so misguided. Prepare for me to become obsessed with GG. 

Also, a total cutie that I worked with during my “I’m not in college anymore!” summer in Provincetown is going to be on the new season of Top Chef. Look for updates about his progress- obvs Patrick will be the team favorite.

All this from the girl who hasn’t written a blog post in weeks. I’m suprised that all just came out of me. Maybe this is my prep for when I enter the big leagues. Also, I’m hugely procrastinating on writing my grad school personal essays.

On that note, this song makes me feel sexxy. I hope it does the same for you.

xx